38. The aging Kraken

My heart still
forces its pace
when I think
of you
or your name
or like today
at noon
when out
to buy lunch
a car exactly
like yours
parked
beside me

and just like that
the thoughts
I had
last night
of me
starting to
slowly
leaving you behind
vanished
instantly

easier
to fool others
than trying to
convince myself
of something
I'm not
quite
getting through

and my
allegiance
to this idea
of supposed
oblivlion
gets thinner
and almost
indistinguishable
if I allow myself
to remember
your tender smile
when our eyes matched
as you leaned on
that stoned wall
and the lights
from above
hit you
in such
a perfect angle
that there were
no shadows
over my soul

or when
I see
the cloudy sky over
Tokyo streets
and its
multi colored
neon lights and
little ramen stores
lined up

I just stare
at them numbed
picturing
us
slowly
but gracefully
growing
older
together
holding
hands