80. That mold covered stone wall

you've made
yourself clear
there
and then
I've said I admire
that strenght

the same
I'm already
seeing
in the little her

you've been
vanished
for quite some
time now

but still

there are
foggy
moments

like last night

in which
I took you down
for a walk
in that cold
empty forest
again

maybe
you were
holding
my hand
I couldn't tell

because I got caught
in your eyes
as they smiled
to me
in silence

with only
echoes
of yellow
leaves
crunching
beneath our
muddy boots
in that
field of
entangled
endless roots

you

perfect
just like
that
first time

and me
mesmerized

wishing
it was all real
already knowing
it was not

the same feeling
I've been having
all along

every time
I think of you

a murmur
of eager voices
starts coming
towards me
from over the hills

closer and closer

as
everything
around
is splashed
with that magic
palette of
tones
of yours

and I
immediately
know
you
are near

so I look
for you

desperate
but
meticulously

sometimes
I find you
but most
of the times
I don't

and when
I don't

I stop
and contemplate
the marvel of you

in every
brush stroke
with which
you've
coloured my life

and how
the you
from back then
with that
forever frozen
last glance
on that Tuesday
dying afternoon

unknowingly

would still
bring joy
to the
me
of these days

the warmth
inside me
finds its way
out

through
the dead skin
on my chest
where your
head
once found
a place
to rest

a breeze
of jasmine
comes through
the trees
and as the
needle on
my compass
goes crazy

I can sense
where it's
coming from

in that
instant
I feel you
so close to me
as if I'm
leaning over
to your neck
with your hair
sliding
between
my fingers
once again

but I don't
turn back
to see

I just
close my eyes
and pretend
to be unaware
of your presence

because
either way
the truth is
after all this time

I'm probably
wrong