42. Drifting around

It's hard
to define
what
happiness is
to me
if you ask
out
of the blue

I could
go through
metaphysical
attempts
in explaining
the why or whens
but I
would get
completely
lost
in you

Since I've
been coming
to find
that
death is
only
a feeling
inside

And happiness
an idea
although
there's always
a chance
that my mind
is tricking me

There is
no doubt
that
given
a moment
the image
of you
when
my fingers
interlaced
with
your hair
behind
your ears
while
holding
your neck
as I watched
you
smiling
at me

is the
simplest
way
to describe
what
happiness
might be

41. A blurry mirage

You were
the deadliest
poison
but my body
turned you
into amrita
running
through
my veins

Now in me
nothing can die

I turned you
into motive
I keep
you inside me
and carry
you with me

Can't you see
nothing can stop
this unlimited
timeless
feeling

I find you
everywhere
in every word
people say
when they
talk to me

The strength
that you give me
without you knowing
pumps blood
and burns
my muscles
in order to
keep moving
forward

you always mean
sweetness
you still irradiate
charm

Your images
bring a scent
of white roses
when they come
to keep me company
in my lonely nights

I think
maybe
this reality
where I write
words
that might never
reach you
could be an
alternate one

a fanfiction
written
by you

40. Maybe not really there

In a parallel
universe
we never met
I never tasted
how sweet
honey can be
when pouring
from your lips

But there's another
in which
the smell of coffee
floating in
from the kitchen
wakes you up
to find me
at your feet
smiling
and saying
good morning
my love
and we watch
sun rising
every morning

And oh
we have
our little fights too
but
we never hurt
each other
I never could
and oh
the making peace

surpassing
any
disagreement
in agreeing

Seems like
there was
a small
glitch
in the matrix
so I could find you
in this reality

that is
why
all the coincidences
that happened
felt almost
unreal

like this morning
in an intersection
waiting to enter
the main street
I saw your car
coming towards me
I knew it
in a blink of an eye
there was a storm
of flashbacks
inside me

your car
the plate number
everything
was in its
right place

I froze
but
I opened my eyes
to see you

but then
it wasn't
you driving

then I remembered
that glitch
has already
been fixed

39. The Flying Dutchman

I know
I broke some
tacit rules
when calling out
my feelings
to you
cheated on
some answers
on your
questionnaire

but I guess
I sensed
the end
closing in
from all flanks
towards us

I went all in
and I lost

everything
but
my head

I knew
all odds
were against
but I still did
that's how stubborn
I am
sometimes

I would
but I won't
change
what's done

cos the more
marinated
in this thick sauce
of your memory
I am
the more certain
I am
of what I felt
and what I still feel

so sweep me
and kick me
under the rug
hide me
in one of your
mind's forgotten
corners
I'll just lay there
until
one day
you come
to dust me off
and pick me up
from the floor
you'll probably
find me
counting days
on the wall

no use in thinking
about the past
or the future

wrong or right
is a matter of
when

all I have is now

and the echo
of the weird noises
my kisses
made
when landing
on your lips
and how I
couldn't avoid
mentioning it
as you smiled
back at me
listening
to my wandering words
laying your head
on the scar
in my chest

38. The aging Kraken

My heart still
forces its pace
when I think
of you
or your name
or like today
at noon
when out
to buy lunch
a car exactly
like yours
parked
beside me

and just like that
the thoughts
I had
last night
of me
starting to
slowly
leaving you behind
vanished
instantly

easier
to fool others
than trying to
convince myself
of something
I'm not
quite
getting through

and my
allegiance
to this idea
of supposed
oblivlion
gets thinner
and almost
indistinguishable
if I allow myself
to remember
your tender smile
when our eyes matched
as you leaned on
that stoned wall
and the lights
from above
hit you
in such
a perfect angle
that there were
no shadows
over my soul

or when
I see
the cloudy sky over
Tokyo streets
and its
multi colored
neon lights and
little ramen stores
lined up

I just stare
at them numbed
picturing
us
slowly
but gracefully
growing
older
together
holding
hands

37. Mourning Glory

lately she doesn't worry
anymore
cos she's not seeing
that fire in my eyes
anymore

I go out
and walk
over the fallen
leaves of
autumn

and
look up to
the gray skies
and the chill
that the breeze
brings

brings me
a little of you

how's your life
what's your shrink
been telling you
have you
told him
about me

do you still
exercise
or go out
late night shopping
for groceries

how's
your grandpa
have things
been going smoothly
with your mom

did he turned around
and fulfilled
your expectations
have you fallen in love
all over again

does your
caramel hair
still fall over
your milky skin
do your
deep coffee eyes
still burn
as they shine

I hear
people talking
laughing
in passing cars
couples in the street
holding hands

I remember
your touch
and your kisses still
sleep on my lips
and I wonder
do you miss me at all

36. Farewell, Fair Lady

I try to pass over
thinking this too much
about the bad timing
when meeting you
or the poor word choices
when in disguise
I demanded a little
more attention

Looking back
it was the
marvelous chaos
you caused
and the sparks that
we made

After all
you've been
the truest thing
I had

And you may
be altered
upon reading this
and run, hide away
and vanish
again

But
save your breath
don't hurry my dear,
you don't really need to
run anymore

It is what it is
and it was what it was
and it was beautiful

Life itself is
There's beauty
all around if you see

Just like you
and the shock
that the ones
who will see
you for the first
time will get


Oh how
I envy them!

though I know
I had
the best of you
at one point
and you have
gotten out
the best of me

I heard your eyes
as they talked to me
but
I understand
your silence
even more

This time around
untimely
like all the lives before
and yet, still with a
spine attached to the side

but the coincidence
of meeting you again
against all odds
and over
the infinite variables
has been
true magic
within a dream

Until next time,
my beloved

35. Musashi

wandering
through
the bamboo forest
in the mist
deadly wounded
but still
not dead

looking up
to the sephia
brushed sky
not a single soul
but mine

tightly gripping
the
rugged edge
katana
an empty
sake vase
tied to
my waist with a
double knotted vine
and a black and white
picture of you
on my left hand

thirsty
and
slightly
deslusional
cutting through
haunting ghosts
I pick up
the pace
to an unknown
place

only the echo
of the whistling sword
and the crunching leaves
beneath my feet
fills the silence left by you

and under the ground
the interlacing roots
of this forest

holding together
secretly
but forever tangled up
as one

that image alone
is enough
to regain
some strenght
and carry on
looking forward
to a mirage
where I
might not
even belong

34. Happiness is your stare on a chair

I thought
of going
pub crawling
alone tonight
but I realized
lately
I don't
stand crowds
anymore
everybody's
the same
fake
and
shallow
and I
want to find
the one true face
that's different
from the rest
and drown away
in its depth

But
I won't find it
tonight
nor
will I find it
another night

I'd go out
like a mad dog
howling
through
the empty streets
but
it would be
no use

So I
look for it
inside me
where
I keep it safe
where
time and space
couldn't reach

and I find
you
sitting
waiting
looking to
the other side
unaware of my glance
beautiful as always

Maybe
I'm loving
just a memory
of you

but that's
all I can do

Because I
still
miss you
like crazy
and
you're
nowhere
to be
found

33. Phoenix Ashes

Your memories
are nothing but sweet
to me
as I sit and watch
the pouring rain
outside
and I'm thinking of you

I have
your smile
locked in my mind
and it looks
like I'm not
letting it go
yet

And how you
covered your face
with your tiny hands
so tenderly
as you opened
that wooden
box
and released
the ghost of you
that
still haunts
my days

I said goodbye
without knowing
that
might
have been
the definitive
parting

And maybe
in another life
in another space
and in
another time

I don't judge
you
I just like
watching
you
watching
over you


Maybe
is the fact
we don't
really know
how much time
we have left

Or maybe
my words
are not
making much
sense

But
sometimes
I just don't
need to

I'm outside
and it's pouring
I'm cold and wet
and I'm okay

Just remember
the time
you felt like that

Maybe
not with me
and that's fine

I'm not asking
when
where
who

It doesn't
matter

I'm just
asking you
to remember
that good ol' feeling

So
maybe
you'll
understand me
a little

This
groundbreaking
breathtaking
gut revolving
chest warming
feeling
that won't perish

Like
a wrecking ball

that
made me rebuild
my world
as it demolished
everything
and rocked me
to my
foundations

For all
that
I have to
thank you

And maybe
it doesn't sound
romantic

but
trust me

it's
the truest
purest
thing
you'll ever have

32. Stretching my fingers on my desk

How are you
holding up?

These last days
could have been
better
but
you know me
I never
complain

Took a few
bitter gulps
and carried on

Not eveything
has been bad
though
I wish
I could share
these with you
like we used to

But
since I can't

I just
write
letters in the sand
hoping
the waves
would take them
back to your shore

I miss
your bourgeois
manners
and your
cinnamon
skin

I wonder
if in your hair
that gorgeous bun
is still gracefully
hanging on

like I do
to you

31. Pandora Box Daydreaming

I think
you'd like
what I've
done to our
place

Just let me know
when you're
coming over

Please disregard
the mess
I'll take
those sticky notes
and pictures
off the wall
I was
just working
on some leads
and theories
of you

I moved
the couch
facing east
so the first rays
can hit us
in the morning

I made
some planters
for the balcony
and bought
beautiful lillies
to hide
the seeds
from my flashlight
between
them

I converted
that old door
that was
stored in the
warehouse
into our
new headboard
I added a shelf
so you can
put your
phone
glasses
books
dreams
and plans
on it

Remember
that old gramaphone
we talked about?
Well
it's now sitting
in our
living room
and its needle
is waiting
to kiss
those old records
and sing for you
while
we're laying down
on its tracks
kissing
our way
into Sunday

Though the place
needs
a touch of you

there's
a little of you
in everything

What's still
missing is
your light
your aroma
and the joy
you'll
bring back

when you
finally

come home

30. Singing crickets and first bus on the background

The image
of you
shows early
every morning
minutes before
the sun peeps
from
behind the trees

and shakes me
off of my sleep
but
never interrupting
my dreams

And I embrace it
just like I do
with your absence

I thank your
pain in me
and my love
in you

I find
no mistery
in every
little thing
around me
reminding me
of you

I'll abide
by your decisions
and still
I'll always
be the one
in debt with you

Because
I know
no other way
of living
this

You can
choose another path
and seek
for your peace
and I'll suppport it
even if
it means
losing you

Still

I'll
keep you
deep in my heart

Because
that's how
this is

29. Two Words

As I watch
the hubbub
of the day
making way
through the people
around me

Your silence
is the only thing
that's real

Your
loud heartbeat
fills this
empty room
and reverberates
in every corner
of it

and in every
paralel street
I look
when a crossing
delays
my moving
towards
that place
where I know
I'm already late

All I hope
is that
this burning feeling
in my chest
can warm up
your days

Because
the winds
of time
are blowing hard
but they only
keep this
red ashes
alive

28. Warm numbers

When parting
from you
had just passed me
around
the corner

I tried
to be rational
about it

I imagined
a time/anxiety
graphic

The highest peak
should only come
in about
two weeks

but I guess
I underestimated
your implacable
presence
in my dreams

Your soft skin
was still so vivid
in my fingertips
when I
opened my eyes
at dawn

we laid
on the floor
in one
of the hallways
of my mind
hiding from nothing
cos the two of us
had nothing left
to hide

and I
held you tight
and dreamed our way
into the night

the fragrance
of you hair
caressing
my nose thrills
as I kissed
your neck

I tattooed
my handprint
on your ribs
as my tight grasp
let you know
I will never
let go

You put
your arms
around me
as if
you were trying
to be a part
of me
without knowing
you
already were

Time
felt powerless
as it tried
to rip you off
of my skin

I woke up
right after I left you
at the
departure gate

You told me
you were going
to San José
to a congress
for a week
but told me
not to worry
cos the reception
is good
in Costa Rica

and you'll wait
for me afterwards
if it's ok
with me

I said
I'd go to the moon
with you

You smiled
and faded away

I'm awake
but you still
come
into my days
unannounced

at least once
every hour

and
every time
I see your face

Time stays still

I stop everything
I'm doing

and smile

27. Silver glasses and wrinkled pink t-shirt on the night stand

How hard
though tender
your
shell

How clear
and deep
your
eyes

How long
and near
your
days

How soft
though far
your
skin

And how
I'm still longing
for you
here

26. Candle wax all over the table

Tonight
I'm setting up
the table
for two

Like all
the nights
before

I'm making
the entrée

olives
grapes
bruschetta
nuts
pickles
sliced pears
cold cuts
and cheese

I baked the
bread myself
this morning
thinking of you

you can dip it
in the
secret guacamole
and my
patent pending
hummus

I even
remembered
the name
of the wine
you liked

I open
the window
and let
the southern wind in

it brings me
the scent
of you

I sense it
like
a hound dog

you're
faraway

you won't
make it again
tonight

I know

like all the nights
before

Still

I'll put
the table
for two

25. Christopher Walking

When I said
I wished
you
happiness

I meant it

But not as
much
as I
do it
now

the sunshine
of your smile

the same that
brighted up
and warmed
my days

should
never
fade away

I wish
you could be
as happy
as I am
when
I remember
you

I still
go through
my days
moving on

making
a path
as I walk
to
hopefully

someday
somewhere
near
you

but still

I can't help
wondering

Don't you
think about us
anymore?

24. A change of seasons

I'm looking
at the trees
on the sidewalk

lined up
in a orderly
march

it's March

so I expected
an orange
carpet
by now

but it's
greener
than ever
outside

and
inside
my heart

It's like
you've
never left

But
the truth
is
you may be
long gone

I hear
the beat
of your footsteps
shrinking
as you
move
further away
from
my life

I wanted
you
to know that
the constant beat
you've
been hearing
all along
is just my heart
traveling
beside
you

Don't
worry

you don't
need to
look back

23. Burn after reading

I am
sorry
I lost
you
there

but
I'm
just glad
to have
found you

It's true
that I wish
I've done
some things
differently

but
I'd rather
be
regretting
that
than
regretting
not
being
myself
when the ground
was burning
my feet

I am
not
the same
one
that
you
first met

that's for sure

There is
a before
and an
after you
in me

and
in between

a beautiful storm

that washed
away
everything
that
I didn't
need

All I am left
with
is your smile
inside
a wooden
frame
and a
kiss
on the scar
in my chest

22. Our Little Havana Club Mirage

As the first note
of that
salsa song
hit
the piano key

Your image
on that
wednesday afternoon
hit
my heart

More of a
soft landing

gliding over
the golden sands
of that beach
where we meet
at night
as we sleep

Lately
I missed you there

I just sit alone
and watch
the frozen waves
waiting for
you to rise back up
breaking
the horizon line

My heart
has no room
for sadness now
for it is overflown
with
the joy
your little memoirs
give me
as I pick them up
one by one
in the order
you dropped
them
in
your
unforseen
departure

So
I sit and gaze
at your
vanishing point
with
high hopes
and
little certainty
of finding
you

21. Your lovely mocking face

I picture
you
tonight

looking
at the same stars

holding
a smoke
and a glass

wearing
a silk robe

very far

holding my soul
in your hands
while I'm still
holding your
heart in mine

I picture
you
distant

alone
in a crowd

I was
sitting
next to
a pregnant woman

she told me
her baby girl
was due
the same day
you were born

and she was
considering
giving her
the name
I gave to you
changing the
first A for an E
but still

I just smiled
and looked
away

Let me
just picture you
tonight

because
that's
all I'll
ever have

20. Of Chilvary and the Great Monster

Beyond
the boundaries
of my heart
I have no dominion

And inside
my crumbling empire
you're still
the only ruler

Though
you abandoned it
unaguarded

away
to your own exile

These mold covered walls
still have your name
carved in them
underneath

These rusty swords
still carry
the sharp metal
once forged with our fire

They are clamoring
your name
in empty echoes
waiting for the day

you walk in
through the gates
again

And reflourish
my soul

With only
one glance
one smile
one sigh
one word
one touch
one kiss

19. Saturday morning cartoons

I wake up
with a heavy heart

and find the sunlight
drawing lines
on my bedroom floor

and little dust flakes
contour
your silhouette
on my bed

in that cold
empty space
you should have
filled

I pour some coffee
and think of the cup
I gave to you

still somewhere
enduring

and envy it
for it can still enjoy
the marvelous
sight of you
and taste
your lips
every morning


So I go out
and face
another day

of hanging in reverie
of classifying images of you
of managing through flashbacks
of roaming on the streets

looking for clues
that lead me
back to you

18. Vultures circling over my head

We talked about
walking 
towards
our ghost town

We talked about
slowly growing 
older
and closer

Well
I'd kiss
every wrinkle 
of your face

If I only 
had you
near
as we went

I wake up 
some nights
to a scene in sephia
walking over
the debris
of that ghost town
where I'm stuck
alone

And 
relentless days
will still pass

years 
will pass too

But your hand 
in mine
will still be 
mine

though near
or far

even in another
hand