63. Si no t'hagués conegut

"We'll meet again,

don't know where,

don't know when

But I know we'll meet again

some sunny day 

Keep smiling through,

just like you always do

Till the blue skies drive

the dark clouds far away"

Vera Lynn - We'll meet again

there may be
some
mental suggestion
or subconscious
trickery
involved

but I can not
look at a
short pink wig
without
thinking
of you
anymore

it's like a
visual
object
association
with a feeling inside
or
maybe
a fixation
which
can be
worse

or
relating
a movie scene
I loved
with
an image of you
minding
all the implications

mixed
with your
unforgettable
scar leaving
adorable
presence

so
there
you
have
it

a small
sample
of
the
strange
collective
imaginary
I've created
for you
that coexists
parallel
to my
everyday
routine

you
may think
I'm
screwed

but
I'm
really not

no one
will
understand
this

maybe
not even
you

either way

it's
still
there

62. I should have picked another corner, or another title

"I love you in a place

where there's no space or time

I love you for my life 

you're a friend of mine

 And when my life is over

remember when we were together 

we were alone and I was 

singing this song to you"

Leon Russell - A song for you

for every

fresh flower

on the grave 

of a late 

life partner

there are 

four wedding rings

lying 

in a pawn shop counter

but for every 

late sunday brunch 

at the new house

there's 

a fantastic story 

still unwritten

sleeping in the ink 

of a pen 

that was forgotten 

inside 

an unopened 

dusty moving box 

in the attic

I was a hoarder 

back in the days

but now

I tend to 

discard 

and let go

I feel

the less

the better

I stopped

at this line

as I'm writing

your image

just came 
across 

my mind

and I smiled 
at it

as usual

(though it's never 
the same one

sometimes is in 
silver glasses
and a bun
or
a big red ball of sweat
on a hot summer siesta
or 
a tired one after a nap
when the light hits you 
from above on the bed
in a gloomy room
or 
the grumpy morning face
about to have breakfast
or 
the serious one
in uniform
or 
the mocking face one
which is my favourite
I must say)

I smile

as if I remembered

a great punchline of a joke

and I think 

you don't take up my space

cause I don't keep you
storaged

in a box or a shelf

you are unpacked
and scattered
everywhere

you are the colours 

that colour these walls

the aroma

of coffee 

in my mornings

the soothing sound 

of a memory

still pounding 

with every heartbeat

with every tic tac 

of the clock

I take you 

not as a burden

but as a memento

I carry 

proudly

in my chest

where no one 

can see

or know

that reminds me

of your 

sweet existence

and 
that now 

that we are 

apart

you are

all 

around

61. The opening of the eyes, watching the new dawn rise

at last

the day

has come

and just

like I thought

nothing 

has changed

except

that

oddly

enough

(I don't know 

why would I

still be surprised

about how 

this thing works)

I had a revelation

just now

getting 

out from a 7/11

after buying 

late night

snacks

I believed

I erased

every bit

of trace

but it turns out

I didn't delete

just one 

letter

and it was 

the clue

I believe

I know

how you've felt

how you've been feeling

the whys

and whens

of your ideals

sorry 

I doubted you

at one point

I don't

anymore

some things

are not 

negotiable

like missing you

and thinking

about you

at least 

once

every 

single

day

and 

when you read this

whenever that may be

I want you to know

I'll be straight forward

you are the sweetest

prettiest 

wittiest

thing

to ever

have stepped 

into 

my life

that is the why

of the shock

but I do get

your more

down to earth

way 

of seeing things

one step ahead

from me

and I see

how there are many

variables

in this equation

innocent people
who must not be
civil casualties
and
tangled 

situations

and I really

thank you for that

for avoiding

me to make 

an unforgivable

mistake

and that

Milady

makes me 

admire you

love you

even more

and don't forget

I'll always be

sending

you my thoughts

and strenght

even if you can't see it

maybe you'll feel it

let's leave it to time

you'll always be my baby

I'll always have a place

inside

saved only for you

but that's that

I know

I see it now

I also know

you'll be happy

as you can be

and my tribute 

to you

and everyone 

around me

will be

to be the best I can
too

lucky 

the one 

who can live 

through all this

with you
send

my best regards

this 

feeling is

liberating

we all have

our lights 

and shadows

but

in your shadows

I felt warm

I'm the kind of guy

who makes a toast

with Old Georgie

and have a laugh

call it magic

or maybe a dream

but it doesn't have to end

cause all this

is but a good feeling inside

and I

want to carry that

along with me
and you

all this life

and
the next ones

60. Smiling biting teeth

so

we're
back
to being
strangers

just like
some time
before
the
crash
and burning

it feels
strange
being
just strangers
on the street
sitting
on my desk
doing
everyday stuff

I know
inside
we can
never be
unfamiliar
again

there's
things
I'd like to talk
about
not confessions
or big breakthroughs
just silly things
some detailed
nonsense

but I
grab them
by the hair
and drown
them
until I
can't feel
them
kicking
fighting
for mercy
anymore

they say
it takes
at least a year
to get back
to somehow
normal
after
such a strike

well
writing
surely helps

I just
hope
reading helps
you too

I suddenly
remembered
when you asked
what would I
do if you
just vanished
without
saying a word
of goodbye

I replied
that I
don't think
you would
do it
to me

well
overconfident
me again
my mistake

you did it

I guess
that's your way
and that's
Ok

I'm
sorry
for this
I'm just
too passionate
for what
I truly care

well
you see
that's
me

59. A Cancelled Show Recap

come on

it was

only our

first season

when

they

shut us

down

they

adduced

that

rating

numbers
got back
and they

didn't quite

add up

but

they knew

what  

they were

getting 

into

this wasn't

meant  

to be 

a mainstream

10 season deal

hit comedy show

well
mainly comedy
though
I must admit
it got dark
at times
but we
had some
smooth
transitions
back

we

were

meant to
blow out

not to

burn away

slowly

we  

were

too  

much 

to handle

the small

die hard 

cult 

fan base

we've created 

will

still watch

the re runs
on some
cable channel

or the
30th anniversary
remastered
director's cut
collection box

missing 

the good ol'

days

we had

what

a crazy 

two month

first

and last

season

it was

an

instant 

classic

some said

a true 

goldie

others stated

many still
complain
about the
abrupt
forced ending

the dialogues

the innovative
filming techniques 

the photography 

the scenarios 

the great soundtrack

the pop culture

references

the acting

and oh

the love scenes

true passion

steaming

the screen

always

a few steps

ahead of 

our time

I didn't use 

any stunt doubles
to be safe

and neither
did you 

as I recall

we played

hard

like we

only know 

we had  

them 

already

at the

pilot episode

but then

along came

those outstanding 

witty 

hilarious  

breath-taking

heart-warming

episodes

Grammar lessons

Strange coincidences
Overthinking together

T-shirt ideas 

Kevin Cañete's departure

Cogeré on a budget

Introducing Lady Layla and the Lord

The Lord introducing Lady Layla

The boujee hairdresser

Exchanging music, series and standups playlists
High times

The pain in the neck for the supressed laughs

The tickling tummy waiting for a text

The consequent warmth when reading the text

The parking lot

The charming talking you

The silent hypnotized by you me
The almost cancelled bill request

The first goodbye

Valentine's dinner review

The unboxing

Michelle Obaming

Lady Paula

The picture of a future you

and a future me 

on a sunday lunch

in the kitchen

with the kids visitting

Dreams of a biking sunset

Dreams of a life together

Dreams...

The second 

and definite goodbye

For the last episode
I remember
we couldn't
have you on set
anymore
due to
contract issues
those were
both
sad and strange 

days filming
but
we needed
to wrap it up
somehow

I refused
anyone
filling in for you

I asked to use
some of
your old footage
instead
and play them
over and over
to try and fill
the gaps
left by you

I would have

cited many more
episodes 

but I'm afraid
I burnt
all the scripts

in an outburst
of rage 

one night by the fire

thinking of you

The thing is
I truly believe
that maybe
we

could have been

a hit

but then

I'll also
be thankful
my whole life
because

we got
to shoot
that season

and even
if
a reunion
episode
is out
of the question

we can
always
rewind
those tapes
and remember
what happiness
felt like
at a certain point
in our lives

58. Where a line is drawn

"A series of stratagems to avoid and outwit that guy..."

I like
writing to you
at early
morning

when
everybody's
still asleep
and I
can catch
some free thoughts
while
there's still
many of them
flying around

like an underdog
laying low
like I
always have

never
mainstream
nor
against
the stream

all I care
is that
deep inside
where
I'll always
keep you

I'm not

our crossroads
caught us
heading
towards different
directions

but easy come
has not been
easy gone
this time

this was
born
so suddenly
out of thin air
naturally
almost
like it was
meant to be

maybe that
afternoon
when I saw you
passing by
so upset
without
noticing my glance

or
your charming
let's call them
unwilling
grammatical
consultations

or
that night
at the pub
years ago

or maybe in
another life

but it
won't go away
so naturally

though
it might be
the best
for the sake
of the now

with this
I have reached
half of what
I promised
writing

and I'm so close
to the deadline
I set myself
yet
it feels
like I just started

maybe
I'll leave
the other half
unwritten
and just let
things be
let them
flow

in the end
all this
might have
been nothing

if I have
to give it all up

erase
all this

just to see you
happy

I wouldn't
hesitate
to loose it

because
all I ever
truly
cared
for

is you

I think
you know
by now

just keep that
with you
wherever
you may go
whomever
you are with

if it can
still
draw a smile
on your face

be all
you've
ever wanted

keep the promise
you've made
to yourself
before we met

keep
changing
always
for better

be true
to yourself
and don't look back

if you ever
felt the need
of doing something
in retribution
that's what
I'll gladly have

though
having
something in return
has never been
what I was
waiting for

because
you've already
given me
the best moments
of this chapter
of my life

and never doubt
that
you'll always have
the best of me

you'll always be
Lady Layla
to me

"...how Latin is that Japanese man"

57. One more before they close us down

"Some day

when I'm awfully low

when the world is cold

I will feel a glow

just thinking of you

and the way you looked

that night"

The way you look tonight - Frank Sinatra

remember
that time
when we lost
track of time

I know
I wasn't
my best version
yet
but
I'm getting
there
by the day

all because
of you

I will
anyway
I know

but it
would've
taken much
much longer
if I
hadn't
known you

I might be
wrong
who knows

but
I consider
your smile
to be
the truest
prettiest
thing
I've had
in a long
long time
by far

somehow
this feeling
inside
me
manages
to endure
time
distance
absence
indifference

that's what
I kept
thinking
last night
as I was trying
to get back
to sleep
at 3am
after being
awoken
by you
in my dreams

part of me
is still
stucked there
laying
beside you
by that stone
covered wall
mesmerized
by every
little thing
of you

56. Broken clock hanged tilting to the left

It was
unimaginably
great
to have
a glance
of you
again

at least
from a distance

And I can't
be happier
for you
and
with you
you make me
smile
genuinely
every time


And of course
I froze
of course
I hid
and of course
I ran

The timing
isn't fixed yet
I don't know
if it'll ever
be
tomorrow
never knows
but I understand
not today

All we have
is the
spectacular now

I was born again
when meeting you
as you held me
in your arms

so all
I want is

to
become
a motive
of pride
not of worry
for you

your
charm
still haunts
my days

but
I welcome
it
with arms
wide open
as I carry on

55. Monte Cristo in Château d'If

"Meeting you with a view to a kill

Face to face in secret places, feel the chill

Nightfall covers me, but you know the plans I'm making

Still overseas, could it be the whole Earth opening wide

A sacred why, a mystery gaping inside

Between the shades assassination standing still

Earth's crystal tears, the fall of snowflakes on your body

First time in years to drench your skin in lover's rosy stain

A chance to find the phoenix for the flame

A chance to die, but can we

Dance into the fire

That fatal kiss is all we need

Dance into the fire

To fatal sounds of broken dreams"

A View to a Kill - Duran Duran

This supposed
dismissive
conviction
of mine
has wavered
many times
during this
short period
of time

my care for
you has not

I know
I should
just keep
this words
inside
and never
let them out
but I never do

I guess
you've already
come to know
this side of me
among
many other
things
worthy
of becoming
material
for many
internal jokes
for the laugh
of just
the two of us

sometimes
I choose to
keep them inside
too
until I can't

because
I see
there is
a strong chance
that you
may not enjoy
reading them
like you
used to

I can tell
by your cutting
any loose ends

well
I'm not trying
to bother you
in your self-inflicted
isolation

I'm not attempting
to regain
contact
so don't worry
about it
or about me
for that matter
I manage

I'm writing
just in case
you feel
about me
the same
I feel
about you

If that's ever
the case
I know
you'd like to
hear
about me

I'll be
holding
your hand
underground
lightning
our darkness
as we march
forward
into the
sunrising
horizon

until
I can't no more

54. Hang gliding over these days

"I think I was blind before I met you

I don't know where I am,

I don't know where I've been

But I know where I want to go

And so I'd thought I'd let you know

That these things take forever,

I especially am slow

But I realized that need you"

Bright Eyes - The First Day of my Life

When I felt
the best
was to let go
and let things
take its
natural course

not trying
to swim in
against the tide
and just 
float

I felt

better
about you

Stopped
overthinking

Stopped
equating
possessing
with caring

I understood you
better
I guess

Your smile
and your beautiful
paraphernalia
are not so simple
to wipe off
from my mind
even more
when I'm not
trying hard enough

Cos it's 
Monday night
and I find myself
sitting here
writing
again

Then I closed my eyes
and my fists
tightly 
and tried
to send
all my strenght
to you

I must have 
looked so
akward
doing this
so I smiled

I know
you would too

and that's all
I need
that's all
I ever wanted

53. Damn! Changes

"I'll give you careless amounts of out right
acceptance if you want it. 
I'll give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it.

You can speak of anger and doubts,
your fears and freak-outs and I'll hold it.You can share your so-called
shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it.

And there are no strings attached,
you owe me nothing for giving the love that I give. 

You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
and you owe me nothing in return.

You can ask for space for yourself
and only yourself and I'll grant it.

You can ask for freedom as well
or time to travel and you'll have it.

You can ask to live by yourself
or love someone else and I'll support it.

You can ask for anything you want ,
anything at all and I'll understand it.

I bet you're wondering when
the next payback shoe will eventually drop.

I bet you're wondering when my conditional police 

will force you to cough up.
I bet you're wondering how far you have now 

danced your way back into debt.

This is the only kind of love
as I understand it that there really is.

You can express your deepest of truths
even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it.

You can fall into the abyss
on the way to your blissand I'll empathize with.

You can say that you'll have to skip town

to chase your passion and I'll hear it.
You can even hit rock bottom, have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it."

You owe me nothing in return - Alanis Morissette

Sometimes

she

or someone else 

speaks my mind 

better

more eloquently

and

more gracefully

so urban nineties 

like Alanis

or beat american poet

like Dylan

or raw

like Bukowski

I'm no writer

but I did what I could

I let your beauty

strain

and flow through me

back to you

In the end

I think they

felt

something

no stronger

than what 

I have felt for you

You have been

pure magic,

Milady

All the 
little talks
the imaginary
worlds
the characters
my mind flew
my mind was blown

I never thought
someone like you
was real 
somewhere

Now 
every time
I think 
about it
I can't help
but smile

Please 

don't get 

freaked out

I get it

I get it all

I really do

You have made 

yourself clear

many times

I apologize
to you
for not
realizing
and the
consequent
fuss

I just could not

see cos

my eyes 

were blurred

by you

I'm still

scratching them

as I'm writing

But 

everything
is falling
in its right place
now

I wish you

the best

happinness

and fulfiment

in this 

and the next lives

were 

I hope

I can find you
again

I will
conquer
this life
as well

Yours faithfully

forever